Love, Honor, Truth … and Something Else?
By Dr. Mike Hiller (Louisiana State)
2023-2024 Chapter Advisor of the Year
Sigma Nu Fraternity is defined by its core principles of Love, Honor, and Truth. The fraternity was founded in opposition to hazing, making anti-hazing efforts a core, non-negotiable principle. In many chapters, however, there persists something else which is in stark contrast to these principles.
Hazing is a subjective term, similar to criminal law, where offenses can range from misdemeanors to felonies. Despite this, a zero-tolerance policy for any form of hazing must be the commitment of our Fraternity founded on the principle of Honor.
The primary focus of an alumni advisor is two-fold: to mitigate, if not prevent, ingrained hazing practices and to assist the chapter’s implementation of a principles-based, developmental new member experience. Advisors need to remain aware that they are dealing with a large group of young men who are early in their development and under a constant barrage of influences, some of which may be contrary to the Fraternity’s principles.
The majority of college freshmen and sophomores are still teenagers. They are young men who have spent their lives under the strict supervision, rules, and regulations of parents, teacher, coaches, and other authority figures. They arrive on campus unbridled and excited to enjoy their newfound freedom. These young men are ready to fit into their new environment and make new friends. They are a modern-day Icarus, able to enjoy the freedom of their new wings but at risk of being led too close to the sun.
There may not be much tolerance for LHT in the typical teenage male brain. It is a heavy subject, which may be a bit of a “downer” for those recently liberated from childhood constraints.
“Do I want to sit and listen to a lecture on ethics or participate in a game of beer pong?” “Should I go to the library or swing by the sorority house?” There are times, when speaking to the chapter, it becomes apparent by their restlessness that the lecture could be encroaching on a night out.
“Do you guys want to hear about LHT? Maybe later, the game starts in 10 minutes.”
Typically, by senior year, the misbehavior and buffoonery are all but extinguished. These soon-to-be graduates can see their childhood receding in the rearview mirror while their future of career and family is just up ahead.
Hazing is not so much a problem with “men” as it is with “boys.” Neuroscience informs us that the human brain is not fully developed until the age of 25, which is why car rental companies and hotels refuse service, or add additional fees, to customers under 25 years of age.
So, should we limit membership to those men 25 years and older? Obviously not. Should we give up on what seems an impossible task? Absolutely not.
As parents, we teach our children proper conduct and behavior. We do not delay instruction until their brains have matured. We tailor the lesson to the child. In this same way, chapter advisors and collegiate chapter leaders must commit to effective strategies to communicate with, and lead, our collegiate members.
I have learned many lessons during my 18-year tenure as an alumni advisor, both on what works as well as what does not work. Below are actions for your consideration based on those learned lessons:
- If possible, populate the alumni advisory board with some alumni between the ages of 25-45. Older alumni advisors are vital due to their life experiences, knowledge,and wisdom but might be judged by some collegiate members as old fashioned or out-of-touch.
- Have an alumni advisor presence at numerous chapter functions including executive council, candidate and chapter meetings, philanthropic activities, and social events. The membership will eventually become habituated to your presence, making it easier for advisors to observe the membership’s true nature.
- Blend in and LISTEN. Hearing directly from current collegiate members about their experience is invaluable to being an effective advisor.
- Learn everyone’s name. Start a conversation at every opportunity. Find common ground and make friendships. Keep the relationship respectful and maintain a professional distance.
- Simple and clear lessons are best. For example, I will often ask if the juice is worth the squeeze and point out that they have little to gain and a lot to lose with a potential negative course of action they are contemplating. As an example, choosing to drive after drinking - you may save the $14 Uber fare but you risk arrest, injury, and possibly death. That is a lot to risk losing. As an even more direct example, violating the Fraternity’s no-hazing policy and commitment may bring you a few minutes of chuckles but could result in injury, arrest, probation, or expulsion.
Furthermore, in my two decades of experience working with fraternity men, I have yet to meet an active member capable of justifying hazing as the proper way to teach Love, Honor, or Truth. If we not teaching or living LHT in the activities or decisions we are making as a chapter or member of the Legion of Honor, then what is the point? Be a man of Honor, not a child of immaturity.
“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”
~ 1 Corinthians 13:11